More than just a Mom
I was recently a guest on my friends podcast and one of the topics we discussed was parenting and motherhood. A large majority of my clients are parents and motherhood has actually been a sensitive subject for me personally. I've had to let go of my own labels and disempowering beliefs around this subject.
I had 2 step children during my first marriage and absolutely loved those children with every fiber of my being. I still don't know how I did it. I worked full-time while finishing my degree and still did the mom thing. I made sure they did their homework and took baths and ate real food and could be their amazing creative little selves.
I had health problems when I was young - mostly related to my obesity at that time in my life. I had ovarian cysts and had to have an operation when I was 15 years old. I have never had any kind of pregnancy and haven't invested in the testing to know if I can.
Spiritually I feel like I am meant to be a mother. There is a biological drive in me to have children. I have learned that I am not alone. There are plenty of other women in their thirties that have yet to have children and have shared their concerns with me.
This post, however, is for all of the moms out there doing it all. Literally! You all are amazing and deserve praise - even if you sometimes lose your shit, feel like you can't keep it together, feel like a bad mom, or perhaps drink way to much when the kids go to sleep - you've earned it!
I've learned through working with mom how much they sacrifice for their children. I am certainly not saying that parenthood doesn't come without change or sacrifice, but I want to remind you that YOU ARE MORE THAN JUST A MOM!
You are a beautiful spirit! You are creative and unique and undoubtedly hardworking. I know moms who will dress their kids in the best name brand clothes, but haven't bought themselves a new pair of shoes in 6 years. Some mothers won't get their haircut because they think they are taking money/time etc away from their children. Your kids see that.
They see what you sacrifice and how you feel and when you are or are NOT taking care of yourself, your ambitions, your wellbeing. You are not a bad mom if you take an adults only vacation. You are not a bad mom if you occasionally lose your shit, or go back to school, or hire a trainer, or feed them dominoes pizza 3 nights a week.
Your children also see the rest of you - not just the mom part, but creative parts too, the baker, the crafter, the runner, the CEO, the sister, the daughter, the writer, the candle maker etc. If you suppress yourself then you are denying your children the chance to learn from all the things you have to give. You are allowed to have interests and hobbies outside of your family. These things are what make you so uniquely you. You are allowed to take yourself on a date or a walk or out to girls night. You are even allowed to get a babysitter so you can sit at home and binge watch Netflix eating Oreos and drinking mimosas.
My point is there is no such thing as perfect parenting. We are all doing the best we can with what we are working with. It's great that you prioritize your children, but it is also great when you can have a vision beyond just being a mom. Maybe you want to change careers, or take a trip, or spend some money on something completely unnecessary, but totally cool and worthwhile. Be proud of the little lives you've created, but don't forget that you are still living one that someone else created for you.